beeinmybonnet | Fanfiction: "Gregory House and the Annoying Clinic Patient"

Current Mood: silly
Current Location: home
Current Music: "Beautiful Enemy" by Dar Williams

— Want to read this at DreamWidth? No problem! —

Title: Gregory House and the Annoying Clinic Patient
Author: Anna
Beta:

usomitai
Fandom: House MD & Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humour
Pairing: House/Wilson and Remus/Sirius
Wordcount: 1 564
Disclaimer: I don't own House MD, Harry Potter or any of the characters; I'm just playing around a bit.
Summary: "They've been waiting for quite a while now."
Author's Note: This was written because there seemingly are no House MD/Harry Potter-crossovers with Remus or Sirius in them, which is outragous. Thanks to

usomitai who was kind enough to give this a quick look-over. This is mindless, light-hearted fluff, people; don't get your expectations up!
(Also: yes, I know the timeline makes no sense whatsoever -- see it as slightly AU, perhaps? *g*)

~*~*~*~*~*

Gregory House and the Annoying Clinic Patient

House looked away from his computer to glance at the clock. His shift for clinic duty had started a good while ago, and still Cuddy hadn't turned up like a bat out of hell, assaulting him with threats of prolonged clinic hours, withdrawn benefits and possible castration.

Hiding in his office had been a simply genius idea.

Then the door to said office opened, and Wilson stuck his head in.

"Your shift started almost an hour ago," he said reproachfully, frowning at House. House just shrugged.

"I know," he said, leaning back in his chair. "But I was so comfortable, so I didn't feel like--"

"There will be no sex tonight if you don't do your clinic duty," Wilson interrupted, sounding tetchy and jaded.

House broke off abruptly. "That's an unusually dire threat for something as trivial as clinic duty," he said after a slight pause. Wilson sighed and rubbed his neck. He was still standing in the doorway.

"Cuddy made me promise that I would make sure that you'd be in the clinic today. So if you don't, I'll be in the doghouse with you," he explained. Then he straightened himself up. "So get your ass down there and work."

House puffed up his cheeks in a mock pout. While a bossy Wilson was a sexy Wilson, there were a few exceptions; this was one of them.

"You're throwing me to the wolves; you don't love me anymore," he whined, but Wilson's expression didn't as much as twitch.

"No, I only want you for the sex. Which is why I need you to do your clinic duty," Wilson said, and then opened the door wide. House sighed a little more heavily than necessary and got up from his chair. As he walked past Wilson, he saw him smile and felt a hand brush against the small of his back.

Sometimes House wondered if the sex was good enough to outweigh being regarded as Wilson's bitch. He'd have to make sure later that day.

The clinic was almost empty when House arrived, so he supposed it could be worse; it could have been crammed with a whole daycare with gastric influenza. He shuddered at the memory and turned to the nurse behind the counter, who turned out to be Brenda Previn. 'Oh, joy,' he thought; if there was anyone more fussy about clinic duty than Cuddy, it was Previn.

"They've been waiting for quite a while now," she said dryly and pursed her lips as she handed him the patient's file. House glanced at the name, then frowned and read it again. 'Lupin, Remus John'. What kind of a name was that?

Still frowning, House turned again and headed for Exam Room One. He opened the door, and instantly a man jumped up from the doctor's chair. The only thing House had time to take note of before the man approached him was that he was somewhere in his twenties and had dark, wavy hair that fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance.

"About bloody time you showed up," the man growled. He had a distinct British accent. "We've been waiting for hours," the man continued as House closed the door behind himself, scowling rather menacingly.

"Now that's a grave exaggeration, Sirius," a second voice said gently, also British, and it wasn't until then House noticed the other man in the room. He was sitting on the patient's bed, and was tall and skinny. He looked young and old at the same time, maybe due to the already graying light brown hair. He had scars on his face.

"You want exact numbers? Alright then," the first man -- Sirius, apparently, another strange name -- said and turned to House. "We've been waiting for forty-three minutes and fifteen seconds for you to show up." He turned back to the other man. "Happy now, Remus?"

The sickly man -- Remus Lupin, then -- just smiled. House recognized it all too well; it was the kind of mild but long-suffering smile Wilson often used when they were in public.

"So you're the sick one, then," House said to the man perched on the patient's bed. Sirius looked like House had offended the queen of England. For a moment House wondered if he would fly at him, but Lupin gave him a warning look and Sirius sullenly put his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

House glanced at Sirius one more time and then sat down on the doctor's stool. He took a breath and braced himself for the repetitive, monotone routine questions.

"So, what are your symptoms?" he asked, not caring if he sounded bored. Sirius huffed and glared at him. Lupin merely titled his head, almost thoughtfully.

"I've been feeling tired a lot lately, more than usual, and generally off colour, along with an incessant headache," he said. "A bit hot, too, and I've had this awful sore throat."

House hummed and, without even bothering to open the file, asked, "Have you been otherwise sick lately?"

Lupin and Sirius exchanged glances and then Lupin cleared his throat.

"I was suffering from food poisoning about two weeks ago. Nothing serious, just a bad lunch. It only lasted a night or two," he said, smiling sheepishly.

Sirius had a funny expression on his face, but House couldn't decipher it, and frankly, he couldn't care less. So instead he reached for his stethoscope and said, addressing Lupin, "Lift up your shirt."

Lupin exchanged another look with Sirius and then, slowly and self-consciously, he lifted his shirt and exposed his back. He really was skinny; his shoulder blades were too pronounced, and his spine and ribs were more than just hinted at underneath the skin. And there were yet more scars. House didn't comment on them though, since Sirius had caught his eyes and was giving him a look that clearly said If you say as much as one word, I will have no qualms whatsoever about disemboweling you; he was obnoxious, not suicidal.

Lupin shivered a little when House placed the stethoscope on his back, but didn't need to be told to take deep breaths; used to doctors then, or not a total idiot. He still seemed nervous though, and Sirius grasped his hand and squeezed it. He rubbed the back of his boyfriend's hand in a soothing manner, mumbling nonsense. Yes, boyfriend. House had suspected something was up as soon as he entered the room; Sirius’s haircut was suspiciously stereotypically gay -- probably blow-dried it too. Add the protectiveness, the looks and the touching -- they might as well have had a neon sign above them, ten feet high. They were probably even high school sweethearts, just to make it even more annoying.

House lifted his hand and felt at Lupin's neck; it was warm and a bit clammy. Definitely a fever. Ignoring the cross and possibly jealous glares from Sirius, he told Lupin that he could pull down his shirt and put away his stethoscope.

"That was quick. You've already got me diagnosed?" Lupin asked with mild surprise, still with that never-ending smile of his.

"You've got the flu. Go home and rest. If it turns worse, go to another doctor," House said curtly and opened the door for them, hoping they would take the hint and leave. Surprisingly enough, they did, though Sirius scoffed before grabbing Lupin's arm and dragged him out.

"Thank you for your time and help," Lupin said kindly as he passed House, and House heard Sirius groan; it was actually a rather adequate response. As the two men were leaving the clinic, House could still hear them talking, despite sitting in the middle of the exam room on the doctor's chair.

"You didn't have to thank him, Moony."

Oh, for the love of-- nicknames?

"It's common courtesy, Padfoot, and by the way, you were the one saying I needed to see a doctor."

"Well, I was right, wasn't I? You are sick. Now I at least know which healing spell to use."

Lupin's voice lowered a bit, and House had to exert himself to catch what he said. "Sirius, not in front of the Muggles."

"Oh, right, sorry," Sirius said, though he didn't sound sorry at all. "It's so very you, though, to get sick when we're finally on holiday."

They continued talking, but now they were so far away that House couldn't even hear Sirius' loud voice clearly. He shook his head; crazy, both of them. Probably followers of some cult that believed in 'emotional healing' or some other bullshit. And in ritualized cutting.

House could see the figure of a new man in the door way from the corner of his eyes, and he braced himself. "Okay, so what's wrong with you?"

"I'm too impatient for my own good," Wilson said, and House just had time to turn his head and see him grin before he was kissed and dragged up to his feet. House was faintly aware that Wilson was closing the door, because a moment later he was pressed up against it, his arms full of Wilson.

Regarding the earlier question if sex with Wilson was worth it, House arrived at the conclusion that hell yes, it was.

~fin~

Want to see more fics and/or art? Pop in on anna_creations!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

latenightcuppa.livejournal.com

um.

-thud-

you just combined Remus/Sirius with Wilson/House. you can't even begin to imagine how much I adore you right now.

I loved it!

I am flailing about with fangirlish glee.

From:

welcome to the apiary

Custom Text

Links

Fanworks

Communities

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags